Shabbat Message: Broken For HIS Glory

Why me?

Why is this happening to me?

What did I do to deserve this?

How come I am dealing with this?

Why am I…broken?

There are times in our lives when neither our own sin or the sins of others is the reason for the situations or circumstances we are going through.  Something’s we are born with.  Something’s that happen are seasons in our lives.  Either way there is a purpose for everything. 

Brokenness often comes as a purpose for our own belief or to help others to believe.  We can be broken for hope. Often we cannot see the outcome of our brokenness while we are in it.  So we must learn to have hope while we are broken trusting that He loves us enough to show forth HIS glory through and to us.

This Sabbath Message Broken for His Glory comes to share Hope and Joy for the broken.  Whether you feel blind or lame, be it physically, spiritually or emotionally today, there is hope. Click here or on the image below to listen to this week’s Sabbath Message of Hope.

Talk To Me About Grace

Sometimes in life we are hinder our healing, deliverance, and/or change in our lives.  Sometimes we just need to let go and let YAHUAH work in our lives.

This week’s Shabbat Message: Talk To Me About Grace will encourage you to move beyond the opinions of others and your own excuses, to receive what you have been trying to reach for and to know fully that what YAHUAH gives is without cost.

It is time to believe, it is time to pray, it is time to let go, to press forward and allow His love to fill our hearts, which transcends all sin.

Who Was She? The Maiden Who Spoke Up

We don’t even know her name.  Most of the time we probably glaze over her part of the story.  But without her, he may not have gotten the healing he so badly needed.  Maybe he didn’t even know he needed healing.  Maybe he thought it was just his lot in life and stopped letting it bother him.

But one day, a maiden girl (2 Kings 5:3) who served his wife – a maiden who was taken captive by the Syrians – living in a foreign land away from family, friends and familiarity – spoke up.

She spoke up in hope.

She spoke up because she had a piece of information that might help someone else….

Her words were passed on quickly and Na’aman was healed.

Her simple words were the beginning of the healing Na’aman needed.  She did nothing more.  She didn’t pester him to go.  But she saw him when he returned-healed.

She knew that healing came from YAHUAH through the prophet Eliysha.

Sometimes we too have some information that another person could use.  This information could change the course of their life.  But we must speak up and we must also accept that if the person doesn’t listen or follow the suggestion, it is not our fault.  We must speak up though – that is our part.

As I thought about this maiden girl, I thought about another young lady who just recently married.  A few weeks ago, I thought of sending her a note with some basic general information that she might find helpful.  But in my shy nature, I have found excuses as to why I shouldn’t send the email.  I don’t want to come off telling someone else what to do, nor seem as if I know what is going on in her life.

Yesterday YAHUAH reminded me that I am not given experiences and information to keep to myself, but to pass along.  I am not responsible with what is done or not done with the information or suggestion.

When opportunity arises, even in less than ideal situations, we must speak up!  What we say might be the beginning of the answer to another person’s problem.

How A Father’s View of Other Women Often Affects a Daughters View of Herself

I dreaded going to see him sometimes.

He lived in the 3/4 finished basement of his mother’s house, and in order to get to the bathroom, I had to walk down a hallway.  The hallway was dark with one dim light.  Along the wall were pictures of….women (inappropriate magazines) that as a child at that time, I should never had to see.

As a young girl between the age of 7-11, my stomach hurt when we would go for a visit to see my dad.  Part of me wanted to see him, but I did not want to see the women displayed on the wall.

As my dad began to bring us around his other girlfriends, I began to notice somethings.  They weren’t like me.  And they weren’t like my mother.  They were fair skinned (very very light brown in color) with straight long black hair.  My skin is brown.  My hair is kinky.  They were very thin and tall.  I was not.

As my body began to change (I was just slightly plump, but looking back I was just fine), I’ll never forgot the words he said to me one day, “Hey girl, you’re getting fat.”

In that moment, I remember all the pictures of those women.  Those were the women who were perfect in his eyes.  The women whose beauty was summed up in how it laid bare for the world to see.  Nope, that wasn’t me-but his words stuck in my head.  Like a record playing over and over.

Wonderful words you say to your daughter, right?  These words stuck.  The images of the immodest women on his walls stuck.  The memories of his girlfriends stuck.  I understood that he could like any woman he wanted, but what did it say about me?  Wasn’t I enough?  Wasn’t I beautiful too?  Was my beauty only tied to my outside?  What about my heart?  Couldn’t that be beautiful too?

I never really understood the power of the images and his words (lack of words too) until later in life.  I often  tried to be like those women but I just wasn’t.  My kinky “4c” hair texture took hours just to get a curl put in when I was in the sixth grade.  I never felt comfortable dressing too immodest-it just wasn’t me.  I tried to be comfortable being me, but acceptance took years.  Later in life, when I learned to use Photoshop, I understood that those images of those women were more than likely altered and YAHUAH began to show me that beauty is of the heart.

I was just beginning to accept myself in my middle twenties but I was still struggling a lot.  At that time, the single males that were around had a similar view of outward beauty and I wasn’t what they wanted.  Yet that was okay because YAHUAH had a plan.  He had a plan for a man who saw my beautiful inward and out.  Who wasn’t afraid of my love and devotion to our wonderful heavenly Father.  He wasn’t intimidated  by the amount of scriptures I knew, because he knew them too.  He wasn’t afraid of my dreams and hopes, because they were his too.  My husband was YAHUAH sent and like in Sarah and Toviyahu’s marriage, she was not meant to be joined to any other man but him.

My husband would (and still does), tell me that I am beautiful.  On the surface I accepted his words, but on the inside, I really did not believe him.  What was his motive?  Surely he must really admire that woman over there?

This went on for years, until I slowly and finally, laid the hurts of my father at the feet of the Master YAHUSHA Messiah and accepted the love of our heavenly Father, YAHUAH.  My earthly father my have left many voids in my life and shown me what he thought beauty was, but YAHUAH has filled those voids and given me beauty that can never fade-a fear and a love for Him.

Now, I still have some issues sometimes.  From having five kids, my stomach is not what I want it to be, but my husband does not care!  I have learned to receive his compliments without analyzing them.  Furthermore, since we have three daughters, I have seen him pour out words of affirmation, tenderness and love-like only a father can.  As I watch him with them, my heart continues to heal.  By him loving me and them, our daughters will have a healthy view of themselves.  Though the world may try to tell them that they aren’t enough, the words of our heavenly Father, YAHUAH and their earthly father will forever be etched on their hearts.

My Testimony of Healing Our Son

Sometimes it seems like a distant memory.  Sometimes it seems like yesterday.  When I think of what we went through just a few short years ago, I can see how YAHUAH was there for us.  Let me go back and share our story…

A Positive Test.

This can’t be right.

Second positive test.

Complete denial.

Now a third time, the pink lines showed on the pregnancy test strip.

How could we be pregnant again?  We just had a miscarriage three months ago, and now a positive test.

I was in denial.  My husband knew but I could not believe it.  For the next few weeks, I was a nervous wreck.  Would we miscarry again?  Why did we miscarry in the first place?

Eventually we made it to three months, then six months, all seemed well.  But I knew this child was different.  This was our first son.  His movements were strong and wonderful.  But at around the seventh or eighth month, I felt something different.  Something was wrong.  I went to the hospital and they decided to keep me overnight for watching.  My doctor said to keep me on the baby monitor and what they saw concerned them.

The baby was having Tachycardia.

The sonographer, didn’t notice anything on the ultra sound, so I was released and told to rest.  I rested as much as we could but with three children under 6 years old, rest was a big challenge.

Finally I made it to 38 weeks and my OB said she would induce me that Sabbath.  That was a Sabbath during The Festival of Matazah.  I went to my normal weekly appointment at the diabetes doctor ready for the heads up to be induced the next day.  But as the doctor did the ultrasound, he noticed something.  Something very bad.  At first he told me to get dressed and he would review the video and then come back with the results.

When he came back, he said he needed to look again to be sure that I would be able to induced, because my placenta was blocking my cervix.  I would have to have a c-section.

My heart trembled at his words.  A c-section.  I never wanted one of those.  I wanted to give birth normally.  Was this some kind of joke?

But then he showed me the video…I had placenta preveia.

I was told that my OB did c-sections on Tuesdays and that they were sending the report to her.

I stumbled out to my husband who was waiting for me in the van.  I told him what the doctor said through tears.  Immediately we called my mom to get her to come to stay with the girls.

The next two days were shear misery.  Filled with fear and anxiety.   To add to it, it was during the Festival of Matzah!

Finally D-day (the day after the Festival ended) came and I was prepped and rolled into surgery.  My OB who had delivered our last two children came in and stepped up on her step (she was very short) and the blue curtain went up.  The c-section went well and our first son was born at 10:59 am.  A few minutes later my husband and our son were taken to another area and I was stitched up.

About an hour later I was taken to a new room where my mother and daughters were waiting for me.  Then I waited, and waited and waited for nearly 3 hours.  I did not know what was happening to our son.  I became desperate!  Where was our son?  Why wasn’t he here?  When was he coming?  I was thinking of unhooking my pain meds and going on a search for him right when my husband came in with him.

For the first time, I held our son.  He was beautiful.  He was wonderful.  He nursed so well from the beginning that I called him my champion nurser!

Fast forward, twelve days later in the dark hours of Sunday morning…

Something was wrong.  Our son had stopped nursing.  He was squirming, seeming like he was in pain.  We checked his diaper.  Nothing.  We tried to burp him.  Nothing.  We swaddled him. Nothing.  He went to sleep off and on for a few hours, nursing very weakly.  At around 9 am he stopped even trying to nurse.  He stopped responding.  I took his clothes off and did all the other things I had learned to do when a baby won’t nurse.  I re-read through my books on problems with nursing.  Nothing helped.  Finally my husband said to call the doctor.  I called but was told that I would have to wait for the on-call doctor to call back.  We waited.  Minutes begin to tick by.  Our sons’ lips begin to turn slightly blue…I told my husband.

My husband said we are going to the ER!  On our way to the ER the nurse finally called said to bring him to the ER but we were already on our way.

When we arrived at the ER they didn’t know how to get a blood pressure cuff on his little body.  The moments when it did stay on, his heartbeat was fast.  Tachyicardia.  I knew it but did not know what it really meant.  They sent nurse after nurse to try and put an IV in.  Nothing worked.  They had never had a newborn in the ER.   They told me to give him formula. Nothing worked.

Finally a little NICU doctor from India who just happened (I believe he was sent) to be walking through the ER came in.  He suggested that some babies don’t do well with breast milk but then when he put on his stethoscope within 10 seconds he said:

“I know what is wrong with your baby.”

“He has SVT and needs to get up to the NICU right now.”

Immediately I was wheeled up to the NICU with him in my arms and my husband and daughters watching us go.   When I came through the NICU doors, a nurse took him from me and directed me to a nearby chair.

A swarm of nurses and that little doctor surrounded the bed where he laid.  Minutes ticked by.  Then finally the doctor came over and said:

“Your son is stable but we will need to keep him for a few days.  We were able to bring him out of SVT with ice and he is responding to medication.  We do not know when he will be going home.”

In the coming days we learned that our son was born with Wolf-Parkinson White with SupraVentricular Tachycardia.  WPW  is an extra electrical connection in the heart. SVT is when the heart beats extremely fast.  We were trained on how to care for him, told that we will be seeing a cardiologist soon and sent home four days later.

Our lives changed.  Everywhere we went, we had to have ice, a stethoscope and medicine.  We had to check his heart rate frequently and give him medication every 8 hours.  Our nights became sleepless and our worry and prayers abundant.

For several months he had no issues.  Then when my mom came to visit again later, we went to the park.  He was in the stroller and began to cry.  Nervously, I checked his heart rate…nope couldn’t count it so I began vagel maneuvers..right there at the park.  He came right out but I was a complete wreck.  Off and on for a year he would have the SVT, but he always came out of it.  Then when he was about 23 months, he began having them daily and the length of time he was in SVT was beginning to last longer.  Instead of 2-5 minutes, now it was 20-60 minutes.  Sometimes we would bring him out and he would go right back into another episode.

Finally our pediatric cardiologist said since he was at the highest dose of medicine that he would have to see what else he could do.  He didn’t think that heart surgery would be an option until our son was four years old – two more years to go.  We received a call a few hours later that, the head cardiologist would perform the ablation surgery the following week.

I will never forgot that day.  After they prepped him, the nurse told me to carry him to the double doors and hand him to the nurses.  The walk down the hall was the longest walk of my life.  This was maybe the last time we hold him because there is a risk in any surgery.

For hours my husband and I waited with our then three month old second son.  Finally a nurse brought our son back.  I thought I was going to jump through the roof!!!!!  Our son was back.  He was back…praise be to YAHUAH.  HalleluYAH to His Set-Apart Name!  Thank Him for His mercy.

A little while later, the cardiologist came and she said this was one of the most challenging surgeries she’d ever done.  They had to trigger the SVT in order to accurately find the WPW.  She said she had never seen a heart beat that fast… well over 300 bpm!

Our son is now nearly 7 years old.  We have had no problems at all.  He is an awesome son and can build anything!  Praise be to YAHUAH for guiding the physicians hands and zapping the SVT out.

“Honour a physician with the honour due unto him for the uses which you may have of him: for YAHUAH has created him.” Ecclesiasticus (Sirach) 38:1 – et Cepher 2nd Edition

“Then give place to the physician, for YAHUAH has created him: let him not go from you, for you have need of him.  There is a time when in their hands there is good success.”  Ecclesiasticus (Sirach) 38:12-13 – et Cepher 2nd Edition

There were times we felt like we were going to lose our mind with worry…we know that it was only by YAHUAH’s hands that He brought us through to have a healthy son.  Marvin Sapp Never Would Have Made It hit home for this season in our life.