She was desperate.
She was frantic.
She was anxious.
She was distressed.
She was hopeless.
She was despondent.
She was at the end of her rope. She dreamed day after day, year after year, month after month-only to see the evidence of her natural desire unfulfilled. She watched others bring forth life and felt the stabs of pain in her heart with every child’s cry she heard. She probably tried numerous herbs and recommendations from other women. Still nothing helped her. What was she going to do?
To make matters worse, she’d no doubt heard others talking about her. She’d seen their stares, felt their condemnation and scorn. Surely they believed the problem was with her. Motherhood was a defining point in a woman’s life-but not for her. She was empty.
Now years later getting closer to 100, though her cycle had long ago ended, her desire for a baby of her own was still there. In fact it was worse. Beyond desperation, she thought there must be another way, especially since YAHUAH had promised them a son.
Sarah saw no other way, so a plan began to come together in her mind. Her plan seemed perfect. What could be the problem with it?
The problem was that it was not from YAHUAH. His timing was way past the possibility of human control. His plan was for an appointed time-a miracle by any standard.
Since Sarah got ahead of YAHUAH, she had to deal with some consequences she did not foresee. She had pains, heart aches, worries and fears-all because she went ahead of YAHUAH.
How many times have we done the same things?
This is how I’ve felt off and on for a while. What seemed like “good, logical, common sense things” to do weren’t part of YAHUAH’s will for us. Over the last few years, in the back my mind, I had doubts with going forward with the things that we thought we should be doing. I struggled with real peace during these times. I found scripture verses to apply to the situations-creating a false sense of peace yet further torment. In the back of my mind though, I had the feeling that either we aren’t supposed to be making certain changes or that the timing was not right. Still, we worked to try things this way and that way because it made sense to go in those directions-we had good reasons for continuing on. Like Sarah, we had people around us who were doing some of the same things and having no problems succeeding, while we failed, every-single-time.
Like Sarah, dealing with the challenges of Hagar, while Hagar was pregnant, we began to have challenges and the stresses of trying to reach the end were consuming us. I complained that I have no time for the things that I was supposed to be doing, that I was stressed out and that money was being wasted. Yet I kept pushing for ways to make things work.
However we brought these challenges on ourselves.
Eventually though like Abraham and Sarah, it was time for a life-turn. A life-turn is when we turned around, stopped and cut our losses from the situation, and then went back to the place where we first got off track.
Brick wall after brick wall we would hit and kept receiving no after no. YAHUAH’s answer was clear. YAHUAH was not leading us in that direction, at least not for right now in some instances. In others, the answer may be yes but not right now…
When we stopped, when I stopped researching for ways to do these things, when we finally said no more, then peace came. Sanity and order was restored. Suddenly the financial constraints weren’t hard. Yes, we did have some consequences to deal with. The last affected one person in our families’ health. It was horrible! Again we had to cut our loses and walk away!
We had to see that we were coveting other people’s paths in life. Coveting is against YAHUAH. Coveting lead us to complain, to be ungrateful for where we were at that present time and to believe that the area/place/situational change would be better than what we have right now/had right then. When we finally stopped and accepted that this is YAHUAH’s will for us right now, we then could see His divine hand of provision in our lives.
As we read through the Old Testament, I noticed something. We people went through challenges, were blessed or were changed-the place was given a name-not that YAHUAH had additional names! In this season of our life, I believe it is called Providence.
Providence is the place/time when we are in YAHUAH’s care, that He is the power sustaining and that He is guiding our every step. We prayed daily YAHUAH don’t let us do anything outside of Your will and nothing happened at all.
At times, we were wondered what was wrong with us. Why not us? When is our time?
Yet our time had not come.
When we stopped looking at others, we began to see all the blessings that YAHUAH had given us. Then we began to repent, asking YAHUAH for forgiveness for not believing His word and for not listening. We began to thank Him for all the closed doors. Furthermore, even though we tried to look at the good and bad of each decision, I know there were something’s we could not have seen, nor planned for but YAHUAH is All-Knowing and He kept us from moving forward for our own good! His will is better for us to be stopped than for us to keep going.
I was listening to a special podcast from Crystal Hurst, which featured Crystal Hurst, Patricia Shrier and their mother Dr. Lois Evans (it was freebie for completing a survey) and I heard them say some things I already knew but this time it made so much more sense.
Mrs. Shrier said, “Just because I can, doesn’t mean that I should.”
Dr. Evans said, “When you have a decision to make, look 5, 10, 20 years down the line and think about how this one decision will affect you then.”
We could have continued and tried to find other ways but that didn’t mean that we should have. Furthermore, in a few years, we may have had some big changes happening and this decision would have hindered those possible changes-greatly.
So we stopped. We did a Life Turn. In the last six years, we have had numerous Life Turns. When I look back at those turns, I can see that though some of them where harder than others, they were the best decisions for us. Life-Turns are necessary to put us back to the place where we went off track; we just have to put our trust in YAHUAH and turn around.