Women & Worship

Over the years of learning many “truths” I have felt like something has gotten put on the back shelf.  But recently I’ve taken it down and been pouring it out- Worship.

My heart is overflowing with worship.  Songs come to mind.  New songs I find.  My heart tugs toward the thing that connects me to YAHUAH – because I felt like I was disconnected from Him and on the inside I was dying. Worship got buried under the “religiously correct way of doing things and saying things, Torah or Turah of Words and Actions”

But when I worship, I know YAHUAH is there.  I know YAHUSHA Messiah is at YAHUAH’s right hand.  I know that despite that when it seems like YAHUAH is taking His sweet time working my issues out after years of prayer-that He has a purpose  and at His appointed time, that purpose will be accomplished.

We must  worship and be grateful for what YAHUAH has done for us. We must use  that thing that has been put away and pour it out to HIM, through our tears at times.

Ladies we must begin to find a way to worship.  Several songs have come to mind over the last few months:

Glory Be – Charity Gayle

Great is His Faithfulness – Charity Gayle

For Your Glory – Tasha Cobbs

Forever at Your Feet – Tasha Cobbs

Down at Your Feet

Whatever the method, the melody, the words, the timing – we must worship.  We must pour out that which is in us, the best of it.  Mirayim (Martha’s sister) gave her best and from her we must learn to break open the worship that has been put aside for someday.  This oil of worship that is so costly, other’s might say it is a waste, we might be criticized, our pasts – they might remember (the woman with no name who also anointed YAHUSHA Messiah) – but He who loved us doesn’t care about any of those things.

Like the woman at the well, we must worship in Ruach(Spirit) and Truth:

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Permanent Decision or Changeable Circumstance

I’ve been wanting to tell about this particular topic for awhile…finally I am able to do so.

After the birth of our first son who had WPW w/ SVT, I said I did not want to have any more children.  However when he was about nine months old, I saw that he needed a brother.  So I prayed that YAHUAH would open my womb just one more time to give him a brother and later that same month I was pregnant.

With 4 of our 5 pregnancies I had gestational diabetes, and with our last son, it was just unmanageable (or so I thought and was taught).   We were tired of all the extra doctors appointments that go with having gestational diabetes, so we decided to get my tubes tied at the birth of our fifth son.  We did not trust YAHUAH during this time to lead us to changeable circumstances that could have helped the Gestational Diabetes and further more, we were not told about the complications of a tubal ligation.

All seemed well with me after his birth, but then I started having some problems.  I called my OB and she said it was normal because I was nursing and that all the problems would go away.  However I knew that these physical and emotional problems were not due to nursing!  I had some unusual pains in my uterus and my cycles were way different.  I had such severe pain and emotional challenges that I felt like I was on the edge all day long!  I had horrible night sweats, loss of libido,  and a lot of unusual weight gain.  I exercised 6 days a week, never losing a pound, weighing nearly 215!

During this time, I found Lily Nichols at http://pilatesnutritionist.com who said that eating the recommended diet, can cause /contribute to gestational diabetes! This is the circumstance that is changeable, that I wish that I would have known about during any of our pregnancies.  Had I known about this approach I am sure my diabetes would have either been non-existent or manageable.

One day while I started researching  the internet about my pains and cycle issues, I found that tubal ligation’s can cause Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome, even early menopause !!!  What!  Early what!!! Menopause…

Here are some articles:

http://rebekahgough.blogspot.com/2015/03/post-tubal-ligation-sydrome-my-story.html

http://reducetheburden.org/risk-and-contraception-what-women-are-not-told-about-tubal-ligation/comment-page-1/

http://www.newhealthadvisor.com/Post-Tubal-Ligation-Syndrome.html

http://www.tubal.org/symptoms-of-pts.htm

Through the above links and several youtube channels, I also discovered that tubal ligation’s can be reversed!!!

So we began searching to see if our insurance would cover the procedure.  Nope.  Funny how they will cover sterilization but will not provide coverage to reverse it.  Anyways without insurance, the cost was $7000.  It was a day surgery at a Medical Center near us and included a few nights stay in hotel, and several check-ups.  We went through all the preliminary stuff and set a date   November 10-11, 2014.

I had six weeks to lose slightly over 20 lbs.  I did it through juicing and a lot of exercise.  It was very hard but I arrived at my appointment weighing 193 lbs!

The surgery went well and I recovered quickly (or so I thought).  I thought by reversing the damage done that all would be well.  My cycles improved.  My emotional and physical pains went away.  Night sweats gone.  A few months later, I went to go have an HCG (where they insert blue dye to see if the tubes are clear and check for polyps).   It showed that the right Fallopian tube had a significant amount of scar tissue.

Because we were planning to move, I did not think that I could do anything about the blocked tube.  Months later, I stumbled upon natural-fertility.com and I began to read everything I could from that site.  I learned that scar tissue can be cleared with natural resources such as natural enzymes, caster oil packs, yarrow and cleanses.  I shared these things with my husband and we placed orders for these items.

I did the fertility cleanse for three months.  The liver cleanse was great and I highly recommend that all women do that at least once a year.  My cycle was completely different and I know that it worked.  The castor oil packs and fertility massages were okay.  I often feel asleep with the packs.  I also had a lot of weird looking things come out during this time (I believe it was scar tissue and dried up polyps.)

In the spring of 2016, I went to a new OB and she did some blood work.  When the tests came back, it showed that I had not been ovulating – meaning although I was having a cycle there were no eggs coming down and that my egg reserve numbers were for a woman entering menopause.  My hormone levels were in showing signs of menopause as well.

Depressed.  I cried hard.  Not ovulating.  Why?  What could be done?

I researched again and read Dr. Lee’s book about Perimenopause, and where he suggested that if a woman is having anovoulatory cycles that she take Progesterone (beeyoutiful.com) from days 5-28 for three months and that should restart ovulation.

I did that.

I cleansed again. I continued taking Vitex, Maca and other herbs such as  Tribulus and Shavarti.  Though my ovaries hurt while I was supposed to be ovulating, nothing happened and over the last year and half things began to change again.

In the fall of 2016, I started noticing some changes in my body.  I brushed them off and tried to ignore them.  Emotionally I started to feel more depressed.  My cycles started shortening from 28 down to 25 and now 18-20 days.  In the Feb 2017 my monthly bloating began again and out of nowhere many pounds appeared.  Why?  How?  I was eating good-clean and exercising several times a week.  A few months later, I turned 40, I started feeling embarrassed because I could only wear 4 things in my closet, and I was barely fitting into those things.  Now I know that at 40 a women’s body begins to go through many changes and that this season of life should be looked upon much differently, but this was beginning to be too much to handle.

One night when my husband was reading the scriptures to us, he read Yahuchanan (John) 15 which talked about bearing fruit, being pruned, then bearing more fruit.

“…And every branch that bears fruit He prunes, so that it bears more fruit.”

I took that to mean that though the season of bearing fruit through physical children-is probably over, this season of pruning (going through menopause) will produce different fruit from me.  What will that fruit be?  Certainly it includes helping our three daughters as they are growing into young women.  The fruit may eventually be helping other young mothers and wives.

So, my point in sharing my journey is to encourage other women to think and research the untold realities regarding a tubal reversal but also in any area of life.  Sometimes things may seem like there is only one way but when we look into the word of YAHUAH – we can clearly see His Will – which is for us to Bear Fruit. Now if we have some challenges while we are bearing fruit then we need to look for ways to change the circumstance.  I have already said the recommended Gestational Diabetes diet could have been changed through following a low carb diet instead.  For the last three months, I have been on a Keto type diet and I have had lots of great changes.  I know that I cannot handle certain foods, but I feel great when I eat good fats, veggies and protein (more on that journey later).

Please if you are considering having a tubal ligation, please consider that one day you might change your mind or that there might be damage to your body.  If you have already had one and are thinking of getting a tubal reversal, I encourage you to cleanse and use herbs to help your body before and after.

Don’t Make a Nearly Permanent Decision for  Circumstances that are Changeable!

If…

This week, as I was reading the Purim story to our children, some of Ecter’s (Ester’s) words and actions jumped out at me.

By her position and her relationship, Ecter could have approached the King any kind of way.  Hear her impeccable wisdom.  She knew that her need was so dire that she must first prepare for her interaction with him.  She doesn’t prepare alone-but with the help of her people through three days of prayer and fasting together.

Then when the time was right, she went to see him.  She was dressed in her royal garment, standing in the inner court, waiting.  She wasn’t jumping around, pacing back and forth.  She waited patiently.  Her patience pays off because when the King sees her, he immediately favors her and extends his golden scepter toward her.

Then when she walked toward him, she touched the top of his golden scepter and he asked her what was her request-he was ready to give her anything she wanted.

Here is my part-she didn’t assume that because of her position, her relationship, nor even his words that he had just spoken that she should just bring the accusation against Haman.  She doesn’t even assume that his favor would grant any desire her in this request.

Humbly she says:

“If it seem good unto the king,”

Not:

“Well, King you need to do something about Haman…”

Not screaming:

“Haman is going to ……..”

Ecter’s(Ester’s) words remind me of a song on my heart right now by Tasha Cobbs Leonard called “For Your Glory.”  The opening words are this (the Name of the Father is corrected here):

“YAHUAH if I have found favor in Your sight…YAHUAH please hear my humble cry, I am desperately waiting…”

This is key for me.  A few weeks ago, during family prayer time, I prayed  a prayer stating all the things that we do/have done and saying that because we do this then YAHUAH must  answer the way that I wanted Him to.  Shortly after, I felt a nudging from the Ruach saying that this was not be an acceptable way to pray.  Yes I was desperate, I wanted and needed YAHUAH to move on our behalf but demanding anything from YAHUAH  as if this a relationship based off a game of tag..is wrong.

YAHUAH moves in un-explainable ways.  I surely cannot know or even pretend to grasp His thoughts.  So like the song and Ecter(Ester), I have chosen to take a different route in prayer.  Cry out for help yes, but I must often wait for His answer and not assume that just because I am His daughter that I can demand anything.

So unassuming, humbly I pray…

YAHUAH, if I have found favor in Your sight, can You please…”

and then I wait.

I wait and hope.

I listen for His voice, I know that He hears me and that His Faithfulness is Great.